One of our clients’ main concerns is usually which parent their child will live with post-separation. Understandably, many parents find it difficult to accept that they may no longer live with their children or see them every day.
Whilst we encourage parents to reach an agreement about the arrangements for a child without involving the court if possible, it is sensible to bear in mind what a court might do when having those discussions. The court will only intervene when either parent asks the court to do so. Otherwise, parents can agree any arrangement that best works for them and, most importantly, for their child.
When making a decision in relation to arrangements for children, the court considers a number of factors, which includes the child’s wishes and feelings, as well as their physical and emotional needs, the likely effect of any change in circumstances, any relevant characteristics of the child, harm or risk of harm to the child, and the capability of each parent in meeting that child’s needs.
The weight that will be given to whether the child can decide which parent to live with will depend on their age and understanding of the situation. The child’s views are seldom determinative, irrespective of age, and there is no set age at which the court will give weight to a child’s wishes. Indeed, even older children may not have their views taken into account if there is good reason not to do so. There has been a reported case where a 14-year old did not have his views taken into account because the court considered that they were heavily-based on his loyalty to his father. Uniquely, the judge in that case took the additional step of writing a letter to the child to explain why he had made the decision.
Sadly, we commonly see situations where one parent says that their child wants to live with them, and the other parent feels that this is due to the child being manipulated by that parent. A child may feel conflicted and want to keep both of their parents happy. This may mean that a child tells each parent what he/she thinks that their parents want to hear, which can create further difficulties for the parents in reaching an agreement.
Many parents find it helpful for their child to have a forum to discuss what they would like to happen. Child-inclusive mediation would involve the parents discussing the arrangements for their child at mediation, but with their child’s opinion being conveyed via the mediator. The mediator would meet with the child to gauge their views and concerns, and with the child’s consent, convey those to the parents.
We are pleased to offer child-inclusive mediation at Nockolds. For more information and to find out how we can help you, please contact us on 0345 646 0406 or fill in our online enquiry form and a member of our Team will be in touch.