Of all the things to be sorted out during a divorce, deciding what to do with your engagement or wedding rings can be one of the most symbolic.
Studies claim to have shown that the more expensive the ring, the higher the chance of separation. This suggests that valuable rings are increasingly playing a part in divorce proceedings, but does this mean they are just something else to argue about?
The legal position is that the ring is an absolute gift to the recipient unless, at the time it was given, the giver said that they’d take it back if the wedding didn’t go ahead or the relationship failed. For obvious reasons, adding that caveat in that is not a common feature of most proposals.
In the case of an engagement ring being family heirloom, it might be felt that there is a moral obligation for it to be returned. The legal presumption still applies that when it was given it was intended as a permanent gift, but this would be something you can address in a pre or post-nuptial agreement as belonging to the giver, to be passed down as they choose.
This means that, unless stated otherwise, on divorce you get to keep the ring. If it is valuable, its worth can be taken into account as an asset you have to help you with your living expenses or costs. In assessing its value, bear in mind the ring will not be sold at the price it was bought for and you may need an expert valuation to tell you exactly what it will get. There is a significant ‘bad-luck’ discount effect associated with wedding rings sold after separation. You may prefer to get creative with what you do with your rings.
If and when to stop wearing a wedding ring, and what to do with it when you do, will be a very personal decision. What feels right will be different for everyone. There’s always the traditional option of hurling it at your ex or in the bin, probably with a few choice words and in a fit of anger. But closure and catharsis can come in many different forms and people have found multiple ways to treat their wedding rings with a bit of planning.
Some ex-spouses swap wedding bands back, some ritually discard them together, perhaps at sea or somewhere personally significant. Donating or selling the ring for charity may feel like a positive conclusion. Some people want to retain their ring during the pain and stress of a separation as a memento of happier times. If you are keeping yours then you might want to have it altered to make it wearable in some other way, as a necklace or to remove an engraving for example, as more and more jewellers specialise in repurposing ‘divorce diamonds’. One imaginative woman was reported to have melted her partner’s ex’s ring down to make a witch’s hat monopoly piece and made her old wedding band into a little piglet statuette.